i always forget guys have bellybuttons
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
