but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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