i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
