Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
