The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You don't make any sense
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