My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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