Got a toothbrush?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
