All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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