Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
