Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
