Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
