I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
