Plan B is the new Plan A
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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