I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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