Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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