her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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