i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
