there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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