My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
