Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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