Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I need to calm my uterus...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Randomize
