Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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