Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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