remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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