He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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