I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I need to align my fucking chakras
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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