don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
