We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He shit in the fireplace
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
