Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
