one two three fourrrrnication!
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
