he wants to bone in the snuggie
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
