I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
MIDGETS
????
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
