why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
