The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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