Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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