That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
