Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
