Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
