Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Sorry about my life...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
