If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
