We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
