He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
