his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
