Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
