Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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