that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
