Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
