i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
