Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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