i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Drunk is a universal language darling
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
