May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
