TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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