One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
