it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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