I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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