I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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